The Theatre House: A comedy
by Josh Suba
Summary: Basically, me and my friends were joking around in Creative Writing class and I got the inspiration to right a sort of Twilight 'parody'.


** A Twilight story that you have never seen or read before because **

** it was written by me and not Stephanie Meyer**

** The Theatre House: ****A Comedy**

** By: Joshua Suba**

** Chapter One**

Edward was picking me up, we were going to the theatre house, Phantom of the Opera, it was my favorite Broadway play…and he knew it. He was picking me up in his dazzling, silver Volvo. He wasn't very good with directions-except when, well, you know-so I knew he would be late. We finally had arrived at the theatre after driving in almost utter silence.

"Your hands….they're...so cold," I said.

"I know," said Edward not taking his golden eyes off of the long, winding road that wasn't moving in front of us, because we were already at the theatre.

"I-I know what you are," I replied back to him.

"SAY IT!" he screamed, looking directly at me, with a cold intensity in his eyes.

"….British." I said waiting for his expression to change.

"Actually I'm Australian…GOOD DAY MATE!" exclaimed Edward with a different kind of intensity in his eyes.

We emerged from the sport car, after having hot, wild intercourse, so naturally, my hair was a mess and my make-up had been smudged. We slowly walked up the twisting stairs to theatre, so slowly in fact, it was as if time had stopped for several minutes. We arrived at the top of the stairs and remained motionless in front of the entrance.

"I-I want you to go in without me…" said Edward with a look mixed with concern and a hint of worry.

"W-W-Why Edward I want to be with YOU when I see my favorite Broadway play!" I exclaimed at the top of my lungs, tears starting to form in the corners of my eyes.

"Bella, it's not safe in there." Edward said flatly.

"Then why are you sending ME in there alone! You're the Australian vampire, and I am just a simple human…with no means to protect myself, except for my big, blossoming, bosoms!"

"You won't be alone Bella. Alice is waiting for you just through those doors. I can't explain now, but it's just not safe for me to go in there with you now." declared Edward with an undertone of self-torture in his voice.

"No, Edward don't go!" but before I could even blink away the tears that were now rolling down her cheeks, Edward had been engulfed by the darkness of the night.

I was sad and confused, not knowing what to think about what had just occurred. I walked through the theatre doors, thinking to myself how the Broadway play would not be the same without Edward. One, I wasn't in Broadway, I was in Forks, Washington. Two, the play wasn't a play, it was a musical. Finally, the play I was about to see would not be the same without Edward because as I walked further and further away from the main entrance to the theatre, I could see nothing but destruction and blood...which, I suppose, would have still been there even if Edward had not left me alone. Curtains were ripped to shreds from the ceiling, chairs and tables were torn apart into splinters, and the gory limbs of adults and children of all ages had been strewn across the theatre. Bloody shards of glass crunched under my feet as I walked through the grotesque scene surrounding me, and then I saw Alice.

"Bella I wasn't sure you would come, I saw you in one of my visions, but you know how they can be, and it doesn't help that your so unpredictable Bella," said Alice with an excitement that didn't last long, "Bella listen to me, we have to get out of here fast. Victoria knew you were going to be here tonight somehow, and as you can see, the result was a cruel massacre."

"Oh my god, Alice...were you here when this happened?" I asked Alice with a shocked look spread across my face."

"No, I saw it in a vision, but once again, my visions can be pretty unreliable, and even if I were to have gotten here before Victoria, I doubt I would stand a chance against her alone."

"So Alice...You're basically telling me when it comes to being a vampire you're pretty much useless, right?" I said while traces of disbelief and anger flashed across my face.

"Yep, I really am pretty much useless!" Alice said in a frenzy of laughter.

_ Great_ I said to myself, wishing Edward had not left me with his good-for-nothing failure of a vampire sister.


End file.
